Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! Hope everyone was able to enjoy time with family. Thought I would share this photo of me and my sister. I would guess I am 9-10 months old in this photo. 

I had my six-week follow-up with the surgeon on Friday. He said my x-rays look good. The bone spur I had is not showing signs of growing back. He said in 6-12 months, the scar where my incision is will be gone. He confirmed what the physical therapist said about nerves rejuvenating. He said they rejuvenate 1mm per day. He held up his index finger as an example and said to go from one said of his finger to the other would take roughly a week. He said the nerves will rejuvenate from my neck down. I asked if I would have had surgery two years ago, would I have had a better chance of immediate relief. He said there are no studies or literature that would answer that question. He suggested some medication to help with my pain. However, the two medications he suggested are terrible for your stomach (amongst other organs). I was taking one of the medications in the winter of 2020. While it did help my pain, it was affecting my stomach so I stopped taking it. The surgeon has referred me to pain management to see what other options I can explore. 

I have no restrictions now in what I can do and am able to return to work full-time. He said, I just have to listen to my body and know my own limits. While I have been working since surgery, I worked from home for the first few weeks. A couple of weeks, I went in a few days here and there. These last few weeks I have been working half days in the office and half days at home. 

Yesterday, I cleaned up some of the leaves outside my front door and vacuumed out my car. I did an order pickup at Target. I came home and made nachos for dinner. I cleaned up the kitchen and by then I was exhausted. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. Today, I cleaned my shower which I knew wasn't a great idea. But, it needed done. After showering, I ended up taking some of my nerve medication because my arms were hurting. I was fighting not to fall asleep on the couch by 5:00. The exhaustion is not getting any better. I may reach out to my family doctor this week. 

I had my last physical therapy appointment on Thursday. Since it was not improving my pain at all, the surgeon said to continue my exercises at home. 

We will see how work goes this week. I just know that being in the office half days has been a lot for me. I am going to take some pillows with me tomorrow and see if I can set up a better support system for myself at my desk. 

I am really trying to hang in there. I simply am mentally and physical exhausted. I am frustrated with my pain. I am frustrated with my lack of strength and endurance. 

Hope everyone has a great week! 

Tired. Very tired.

There is not enough sleep to get me out of this state of exhaustion. It started last week and I cannot seem to shake it. 

Last week I went into the office everyday from 8 until 12 and then worked from home the rest of the afternoon. I'm going to stick to that same schedule this week. 

Sitting at my desk, causes stiffness in my neck and an increase in the numbness/tingling in my arms. I have had a few people ask me if I feel better working from home. The answer is yes. I am supported more when I am sitting and typing. 

I am coming up on six weeks since having surgery and I have had no change in my symptoms. I had physical therapy tonight. He does an assessment every two weeks to see if my strength and range of motion is improving. My strength is about the same. My grip strength is worse in my right arm than it was the last time. I see the surgeon on Friday so will wait and see what he has to say. 

I feel extremely defeated. I am 42yrs old and can't even do all the things I want to do around my house. I reached out to my nephew to see if he would be willing to come over and help clean up my yard. I'm going to see if he'll sweep out my garage and maybe help my dad trim back a tree and bush. 

Mostly everyone has stopped checking in and asking how I am doing. A girl at work today said, "why do you always look so serious?" Well, first of all, that's mostly my personality. Second, when you're in constant pain, it's hard to appear anything less than serious. I am sorry I don't fit the mold of what you think I should look like. I feel most people think I should be back to work full-time. I feel they think I am milking the situation. But, if you know me, you know I prefer to be in the office. In fact, we now have the option to work from home two days a week. Once I am back full-time, I do not plan on working from home. I need to be around people. Being isolated even more so by working from home, is not good for my mental health. 

I am sure the exhaustion is a combination of mental and physical. It's exhausting always being in pain and always trying to stay strong for myself. 

In other news, my lighthouse tattoo that was started in November is now finished. I love it! 

Milestones

I have not had any relief from the numbness and tingling in my arms since surgery. With that being said, my physical therapist has encouraged me to celebrate every milestone. 

Last Friday, I finally drove farther than the minute it takes me to get to physical therapy. I drove to my sister's for dinner. I felt more comfortable with moving my head from left to right. I still have discomfort while driving, which I had before surgery. 

I planned on going into work for a few hours on Tuesday. Unfortunately, after showering, doing my hair and makeup, I was exhausted and decided to work from home. I got up this morning and showered, did my hair and makeup, and felt good about going into work for a few hours. I spent a lot of time catching up with everyone. Talking became uncomfortable and my throat got sore since I am still healing.  I had to review some documents so I tried to hold them up at eye level instead of looking down. The short amount of time I did look down, it definitely caused neck pain and increased the numbness and tingling in my arms. I was trying to convince myself I was not as physically exhausted as I was but I knew I needed to leave and come home. I left at lunchtime, came home, took some medicine, and got the heating pad out. 

I will celebrate that I am able to drive and I went into work today. Another milestone is that I am able to lay down a bit more when sleeping. I don't have the pillows piled up as high so that I am sleeping in a sitting position. I had physical therapy on Monday and it was time to do a re-evaluation. My strength has improved in my arms since surgery.

The physical therapist also explained to me that nerves regenerate 1mm per day (roughly the same as your fingernails). He said I know you won't want to hear this, but it could be 12 months before I know how effective the surgery was. I told him, I am fine with that. I said, if you told me I had zero chance of improvement, then I would be upset. 

I found this illustration online. It perfectly depicts where I experience the numbness and tingling in my arms.

I'm not sure I'll go into work tomorrow. I will see how I feel when I wake up. If I don't go into work, I am OK with that. I made it today. It's the little steps. 

Two Weeks Post-Op

I carry two pillows from my bed to the couch and back every morning and night. Those two pillows are positioned around two other pillows to support my head and arms. My range of motion is good looking left and right. Looking up and down is a bit more challenging. I make sure my head is positioned so that I am not looking down at the laptop while I work eight hours from the couch. It's the new norm for me but I know it won't last forever. 

I continue to do things around the house (i.e. dusting, mopping, vacuuming, laundry). When vacuuming, I used only my right arm and took small steps so that I was not extending my arm in and out at length. I am not lifting anything such as the trash, cat litter, or my 13lb cat, Amelya. 

The sutures on my incision all came off last Sunday. I am still having difficulty taking large bites or big gulps. I did a few calls with my boss and clients this week and when I was done, I felt like my incision/throat was swollen. I have started putting tiny drops of Vitamin E Oil around the incision and some Palmer's Coconut Body Lotion. 

I am still having numbness/tingling down into both arms. The doctor did say some people have immediate relief when waking up from surgery. I didn't have any expectation that would be the case for me. My nerves have been impinged for three years. I expect that it'll take some time. 

I started physical therapy on Monday. Once you get out of my neighborhood by taking two turns, you cross a main road and the therapy place is right there. I felt comfortable enough to drive there (otherwise I have not driven since before the surgery). It was nerve wrecking driving there but thankfully it's not far. I had to fill out initial paperwork which was very difficult for me. I already write like a five-year-old and even before surgery, it would take a lot of concentration and effort to write. Trying to fill out paperwork when you are hurting and can't look down is not fun. I got myself pretty worked up. The physical therapist started asking me questions about my history and how I was doing and I started crying. I knew I just had myself worked up from driving, filling out paperwork, and being somewhere I've never been before. Oh, and the lack of sleep. I haven't slept a whole night since surgery. He gave me three stretches to do while there and to do from home (which I have done everyday). I went back yesterday and he explained that you have nerves from your neck down into your arm. He said essentially you "floss" the nerves. He did some "flossing" with both arms. He then started massaging and putting pressure on this specific spot on my back; it's underneath my left shoulder blade. He was really moving things around. All of a sudden, it felt like a breeze washed over my left arm. It didn't last long after he stopped but my left arm felt lighter. 

Does it feel better? Does it feel different? Seems like simple questions to answer, right? My body is so accustomed to being in pain that for me, it's not a simple answer. I really try to differentiate between pre-surgery pain and post-surgery pain so I am not quick to answer. If anything, I just say "I don't know." 

I spoke with the physical therapist about my returning to work. I know he's not the surgeon, but wanted his thoughts. While I don't want to overdo it, I also don't want to nurse my symptoms by not being active or working. He said if he were in my situation and went into work, he would get so involved that next thing you know four hours has passed and you realize you're hurting. I told him that's EXACTLY my fear. I know me....I'll plan on going to work for two to three hours and next thing I know I'll have worked a full eight hour day. The next day will then be spent recuperating. I will take take one step forward and two steps back. He ended by saying that he thinks it's premature for me to return to work. While I knew that myself, I needed to talk it out. I am definitely a homebody, but this isn't me not wanting to go into work. I like being around my friends at work. I like doing my hair and makeup and putting real clothes and heels on. I am going to continue to listen to my body. That's all I can do.  

Join Me On This Journey, Will You?

Surgery. That's how I will be bringing in the month of February. I have never had surgery besides my wisdom teeth being pulled.

Couple of reasons why I want to document this journey for myself. 

1. There is a 60% chance I will end up in a study for a new disc replacement. I want to have a place to go back and refresh my memory on how I felt before and after surgery. I already know that should I get into the study, I will have follow-up appointments for seven years.
2. My job. I work in personal injury and I see my clients going through exactly what I am going through. If I can help someone else through the process of a disc replacement, I want to be able to look back and refresh my memory so I can give them as much useful information as I can. 
3. For me. I know I will need to write and get my thoughts out. 

Lets start from the beginning, shall we? 

According to my medical records, my first appointment was April 26, 2019. Out of know where, I began experiencing tingling from my shoulders down to my wrists (bilaterally). I recall telling a girlfriend at work that I was scared because I had never had this sensation before. You know when your foot falls asleep and you get that tingling sensation? That's how both of my arms felt. I don't recall having much pain at this point. My family doctor prescribed steroids. I honestly thought it would help. I had taken steroids in the past for pinched nerves. Steroids proved to do absolutely nothing. 

On September 3, 2019, I had my first MRI of my cervical spine.

I was referred to a neurosurgeon. There's a good chance if you ask anyone in my area which neurosurgeon to see, they will mention this doctor. 

The neurosurgeon was certain it was carpel tunnel. I, however, was not convinced. Carpel tunnel in both my arms and from my shoulders down to my wrists? He ordered an Electromyography (EMG). This test is used to detect neuromuscular abnormalities. You're stuck with needles so that an electrical current can be sent causing a twinge or spasm. When your arms already feel like they are asleep, this test certainly does not help. The neurologist who did the test told me before I left that she found no signs of carpel tunnel in either hand/arm. 

My follow-up appointment with the neurosurgeon was not what I expected especially from a doctor who is highly recommended. He confirmed I didn't have carpel tunnel. He reviewed the film from my MRI. He said my neck was definitely something to keep an eye on, but that I was too young for surgery. I asked him what now? In short, he said because I didn't have carpel tunnel, there was nothing more he could do. 

I followed up with my family doctor on November 18, 2019. The note from this visit states that the neurosurgeon had reviewed my film and felt that the issues I was having was not related to my neck, but carpal tunnel. However, he sent me for an EMG and surprisingly, it was completely normal. He goes on to say that I am frustrated and not sure where to turn next. 

I started my first round of physical therapy on December 10, 2019. Physical therapy turned into a place for me to go to simply get relief for 45mins. They would do anything that made me feel good. I recall being in the most pain during this time. Perhaps the symptoms were so new that I was unable to tolerate the pain as well as I do now. I had massages, my back cracked, tens unit, scrapping (helps reduce inflammation and increase blood flow), and cupping. My physical therapy ended up being derailed because of COVID, but to be honest, it wasn't helping. 

On March 3, 2020, I saw another neurologist. I won't go into detail about this appointment because it was nothing short of a waste of my time. The doctor walked in and said, "so, why are you here?" 

I was then referred to pain management. I essentially picked the provider I wanted to see based on what I had read from my client's medical records. I first saw pain management on August 17, 2020. Another appointment gone wrong. The appointment was at 8:00 a.m. The doctor appeared to be running behind already. He didn't really listen to what I was saying. He was quick to order pain medication (which I didn't even need because my family doctor had prescribed a nerve medication for me already). Naturally, I was then asked to give a urine sample since I would be taking pain medication. I didn't know beforehand that I would be required to give a urine sample so naturally at 8:00 a.m. I had no sample to give. I was treated like a drug addict. The medical assistant made it seem like I was not peeing enough on purpose. She told me to go sit in a room and gave me a cup of water. I then tried again. The sample was less than the first time. Do they combine them together? Nope. You start over. She told me to go sit in the room again and that she would be going across the hall to explain the situation to the doctor and his staff. It was as if I was a child disobeying. She brought in a swab for me to stick in my mouth and suck on. You had to get enough saliva on it to turn the swab blue. I'm not a doctor, but if I don't have enough urine to give, I am probably not going to be able to produce enough saliva. That was the case. I ended up swishing my mouth around and around spitting on the swab over and over until it finally turned blue. It was one of those moments where you don't even know how you got into that situation. Naturally, I never went back to his office. 

I then saw a new pain management doctor at a different facility. I had an epidural steroid injection into my neck on October 5, 2020. You are awake during the injection, but are heavily sedated with pain medication. It takes maybe 20-30 seconds for the injection. There is a lot of pressure in the area when it is injected. Not comfortable, but not unbearable. The only benefit I got from this was the relief I got from the drugs before the injection. 

After speaking with a few friends, I thought I would give dry needling a shot. I asked my family doctor to refer me back to physical therapy. I started my second round of physical therapy on January 21, 2021. The first round of dry needling seemed to really help. That was the only time I got relief. We tried it multiple times but physical therapy turned back into what will provide me relief for 45 minutes and we will do that. The therapist wanted me to work on strengthening. We attempted to lift some weights and workout. Very light weights at that. Each time I tried to workout, feelings that I was not aware I even had came out. I would immediately start crying. It was so upsetting to me that I had been lifting weights, running, and boxing and now I could barely lift a 5lb weight. For the first time in my life with me being 39 and my dad being 70, I was able to be as strong as him while pulling tons of leaves from my backyard to the front just two years prior. Now, I couldn't lift a 5lb weight without crying. I stayed late one night after therapy and had a roundtable talk with two therapists. We wondered if I started exercising first when I got to therapy and ended with whatever would make me feel better; we could "trick" my mind into not believing that whatever exercise I was doing was not going to result in more pain and discomfort. I didn't complete all of my physical therapy. I was discharged early for making no progress.

On April 22, 2021, I had a zoom appointment with another neuro doctor. Nothing came from that appointment other than what I already knew. 

Other treatment I tried was Non-Steroid Anti-Inflammatory Drug (NSAIDs) to help with inflammation. It seemed to help. However, I ended up with an ulcer. It was so bad I had my sister turn around and take me home as we were on our way to shop for Black Friday. It is my families tradition to do that with all of us girls. 

Since the NSAIDs seemed to help, it was suggested I use the topical form. I tried that but it didn't work. 

I did a few rounds of chiropractic treatment. He was more concerned about what I was eating that could be causing inflammation than anything. I'm not saying he is wrong, I just didn't want to be lectured every time about what it was I was eating or not eating. 

I tried essential oils. No relief. 

I went to the CBD store and started off with lotion. That did seem to help a bit. I ended up breaking out in a rash though. I got CBD oil drops to take and even gummies. No relief. Lastly, I tried a CBD vape. I have tried most of them that they have, all of which help with pain and inflammation. I have found one that seems to help some. Not much, but some. 

The only thing that has gotten me through is bi-weekly deep tissue massages. Albeit an expensive treatment, it is is so worth it. I absolutely love my massage therapist. It blows my mind that she can always tell what parts of my body need more attention. It's 75 mins of pure bliss.

What has not worked for me, may work for someone else. I encourage anyone going through any type of pain, to try everything you can. It's really trial and error. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. 

Because my symptoms have not improved in almost three years, I have decided to proceed with a disc replacement. Not to be confused with a fusion. I have already went through the pre-screening for surgery and had labs drawn yesterday. I'll go into detail about the possibility of being put in a trial and what has happened since deciding on surgery later. 

Resistance

Last year around this same time, I was in physical therapy for my neck. I admit I didn't get much relief. It felt good while I was there but that was about it. There was one time, the therapist had me use a resistance band to do curls. I was in tears the entire time. It made me realize how weak my arms had become. I hurt so bad afterwards and I didn't even do that many curls. 

I spend all day trying to feel better. Whether it's using my massager, cupping, physical therapy, deep tissue massage, or prescriptions for pain management. I am so consumed with making sure I don't overdue it so I don't increase my pain which in turn is not helping because I am becoming weaker. 

The dry needling seemed to work for a few weeks. Then at one session, the therapist had me lift my head and hold it while laying down. It was very upsetting seeing how weak my neck is. That one move put me in so much pain. 

Last night I went to therapy. He said we're jumping right in to do everything that makes you feel better. He started with manual manipulation, dry needling, and even did some scrapping which is my favorite.  He ended with basically using his body weight and pushing on this specific spot under my shoulder blade. Besides the numbness and tingling in my arms, that spot causes me a lot of discomfort. I then rolled on my side and he was moving my shoulder blade around to get up under it and get to that spot. He again just pushed and pushed. When he asked me how it felt, I said, "oh, I could sit here all day while you did that." 

Therapists will do progress reports every month I believe. They have me hold my arms straight out in front of me and push down to test my strength. Every time (even last year), I get teary eyed because again, I have no strength. 

He did that last night and sure enough I teared up. He brought in weights for me to use while doing shoulder shrugs and I just looked at him like he was nuts. I am definitely dramatic during physical therapy. It makes me laugh and the therapist. Naturally, I was dramatic when he brought the weights in. I said I didn't want to do it. He said to try it and see how I feel. I did and it was exhausting. 

Because I am just not having any progress, he brought in another therapist that has been doing this a little longer. My therapist started telling her my resistance to any type of strengthening or exercise. For the next half hour or so I cried. We discussed how scared I am to do anything because I fear that it will cause more pain. We discussed working on things that will help my strength but doing those first in therapy and ending with manipulation, needling, scrapping, etc. Almost retraining my brain that if I do a, b, and c, I can then end with something that makes me feel good. She asked me to do shoulder shrugs throughout the day. She gave me a tennis ball that I can use to stand up against a wall and roll the ball over that spot under my shoulder blade. I was at therapy an extra 45mins. I appreciate them taking the time to figure out what they can do. I am trying everything possible to avoid surgery. I know it sounds simple - I am in excruciating pain everyday that is effecting my quality of life. I don't exercise anymore. I am not sleeping well. I hurt so bad so I don't want to go out and do anything. Why not have surgery? Who wouldn't be scared to have a disc removed from their neck? Why if it makes it worse? What if it's not any better? Of course, what if it does work? What if I do feel better? I just wish someone could tell me what to do. Rather I wish I knew what the outcome of surgery would be. It's just so scary. With the radiation down into my arms, I risk having permanent nerve damage too. 

Any suggestions or tips are welcomed. 

Getting Old Really Is a Bitch

Roughly two years ago, I started having numbness and tingling in both of my arms. I had a MRI done of my neck. I then went to a neurosurgeon who suggested I get an Electromyography (EMG). He was certain I had carpal tunnel in both arms. In fact, he said, call me after the EMG to schedule surgery. I on the other hand was not convinced that I had carpal tunnel in both arms.  The doctor who performed the EMG told me right then she saw no signs of carpal tunnel. I contacted the surgeon and his nurse told me that because I didn't have carpal tunnel, he wasn't going to see me again. I went back to my family doctor. He ordered physical therapy.  I started physical therapy a year ago. It helped while I was there. It was basically a very expensive massage. When COVID hit last March, I stopped going to physical therapy. My family doctor sent me to a neck surgeon. He suggested a disc replacement. He said I could have the surgery on Friday and be back to work on Monday (mmm...not sure how I feel about that). My family doctor started me on Gabapentin which is a nerve medication. He also prescribed Meloxicam which is a stronger Ibuprofen. I made an appointment with pain management to discuss injections. Surgery was scheduled for an injection.  He suggested I take the Meloxicam everyday (opposed to as-needed).  He said it would help with my arthritis.  Which it did. After meeting with the doctor, I had to give a urine sample which did not go well with his staff.  Needless to say, I did not go back for the injection.  I went to a second pain management doctor who also suggested an injection.  I scheduled the injection. The only relief I received from the injection, was the drugs they gave me beforehand. The injection wasn't too bad. It just felt like pressure on my neck. I had the injection in the fall of last year.  A few months ago, I started going to a chiropractor. Once or twice I felt a little better when leaving, but otherwise had no relief. The chiropractor suggested I work on eating anti-inflammatory foods. That consists mainly of meat, eggs, nuts, fruits/veggies. I am not saying he's wrong but I didn't want to be preached to when I go in and get an adjustment. Because I was not finding it beneficial, I have stopped going. 

Around Thanksgiving, I started having very bad stomach pains.  The walk-in doctor I saw suggested I stop taking the Meloxicam because it could cause bleeding ulcers. Great, the one thing I felt was helping my arms, I was told to stop.  

I started dry needling last week.  I am going twice a week for four weeks. I am hopeful this will provide me with some relief. 

The last two weeks I have not slept well at all. Initially, it was because I was going to start my period. Who knew that insomnia was a precursor to starting your period? I have always noticed that I don't sleep as well before I start my period. It has definitely gotten worse these last few months. According to Google, it is because of the change in your estrogen and progesterone levels. My sleeping did not improve after I started my period. 

I am not sleeping because I am in pain and uncomfortable all the time. I wake up and both arms are completely asleep. My neck has been really stiff the past few weeks too.  I don't drink or do drugs - I sleep! I have not felt mentally refreshed for a couple of weeks now. I wake up in the middle of the night and just lay there. Friday when I got off work, I was so exhausted. I thought surely I won't make it until 8:00 p.m. I was up until after 11:00 p.m. Because I cannot get enough sleep to feel refreshed, I am extremely grouchy. I feel horrible being around my friends and being so down. 

A lot of people struggle through these first few months of any new year. The holidays are over. It's too cold to be outside. There are no days off until Memorial Day. All of this is exacerbated by COVID. Last night I Googled flights to California. I see today that California lifted the stay-at-home order. I could possibly go out there for a long weekend. However, with my neck pain being what it is, I am not sure how I would do on a plane and carrying my baggage through an airport. 

I know right now is just a little more rough than usual. I am trying with every fiber of my being to stay positive.  Since driving is extremely uncomfortable for me, I have been staying home a lot on the weekends.  

I am looking forward to possibly getting the inside of my house painted soon. I would also like to get my tattoo scheduled. 

I take Amelya next Thursday to get a giant cyst removed off her back which I am absolutely dreading. 

A friendship/dating relationship recently came to an end at Christmas. I am physically exhausted fighting for someone who is not fighting for me. I find myself typing a text message to make plans with this person because I miss them so much. I don't hit send though. It's like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman. I want the fairy tale. I want the big gesture. I need to feel I am what this person wants and I don't. I am not sure I ever have. Right now I have to let it go. Like I said, I am so tired and the fight is gone. Rightfully so until I get the same energy back. 

Note to self: Ask mom when she went through menopause. I am certain it is on the horizon.

If anyone has feedback on my neck problems, please share! I am eager to talk to others who experience the same type of pain. Did you have surgery? If not, what conservative measures have worked for you?