Two Weeks Post-Op

I carry two pillows from my bed to the couch and back every morning and night. Those two pillows are positioned around two other pillows to support my head and arms. My range of motion is good looking left and right. Looking up and down is a bit more challenging. I make sure my head is positioned so that I am not looking down at the laptop while I work eight hours from the couch. It's the new norm for me but I know it won't last forever. 

I continue to do things around the house (i.e. dusting, mopping, vacuuming, laundry). When vacuuming, I used only my right arm and took small steps so that I was not extending my arm in and out at length. I am not lifting anything such as the trash, cat litter, or my 13lb cat, Amelya. 

The sutures on my incision all came off last Sunday. I am still having difficulty taking large bites or big gulps. I did a few calls with my boss and clients this week and when I was done, I felt like my incision/throat was swollen. I have started putting tiny drops of Vitamin E Oil around the incision and some Palmer's Coconut Body Lotion. 

I am still having numbness/tingling down into both arms. The doctor did say some people have immediate relief when waking up from surgery. I didn't have any expectation that would be the case for me. My nerves have been impinged for three years. I expect that it'll take some time. 

I started physical therapy on Monday. Once you get out of my neighborhood by taking two turns, you cross a main road and the therapy place is right there. I felt comfortable enough to drive there (otherwise I have not driven since before the surgery). It was nerve wrecking driving there but thankfully it's not far. I had to fill out initial paperwork which was very difficult for me. I already write like a five-year-old and even before surgery, it would take a lot of concentration and effort to write. Trying to fill out paperwork when you are hurting and can't look down is not fun. I got myself pretty worked up. The physical therapist started asking me questions about my history and how I was doing and I started crying. I knew I just had myself worked up from driving, filling out paperwork, and being somewhere I've never been before. Oh, and the lack of sleep. I haven't slept a whole night since surgery. He gave me three stretches to do while there and to do from home (which I have done everyday). I went back yesterday and he explained that you have nerves from your neck down into your arm. He said essentially you "floss" the nerves. He did some "flossing" with both arms. He then started massaging and putting pressure on this specific spot on my back; it's underneath my left shoulder blade. He was really moving things around. All of a sudden, it felt like a breeze washed over my left arm. It didn't last long after he stopped but my left arm felt lighter. 

Does it feel better? Does it feel different? Seems like simple questions to answer, right? My body is so accustomed to being in pain that for me, it's not a simple answer. I really try to differentiate between pre-surgery pain and post-surgery pain so I am not quick to answer. If anything, I just say "I don't know." 

I spoke with the physical therapist about my returning to work. I know he's not the surgeon, but wanted his thoughts. While I don't want to overdo it, I also don't want to nurse my symptoms by not being active or working. He said if he were in my situation and went into work, he would get so involved that next thing you know four hours has passed and you realize you're hurting. I told him that's EXACTLY my fear. I know me....I'll plan on going to work for two to three hours and next thing I know I'll have worked a full eight hour day. The next day will then be spent recuperating. I will take take one step forward and two steps back. He ended by saying that he thinks it's premature for me to return to work. While I knew that myself, I needed to talk it out. I am definitely a homebody, but this isn't me not wanting to go into work. I like being around my friends at work. I like doing my hair and makeup and putting real clothes and heels on. I am going to continue to listen to my body. That's all I can do.  

First World Problems

Has anyone else noticed how service, particularly, in the food industry has gone down hill? The food is overpriced and lackluster at best. I'm not a big fast food eater. I do enjoy on the rare occasion, a butter burger from Culver's, or a sausage, egg, & cheese McMuffin from McDonald's at the start of a road trip. Otherwise, I prefer sit-down restaurants. This past weekend I went to Michigan City for an annual girls shopping trip. It's a day trip my mom, sister, and two nieces take before the kids go back to school. Aside from the outlets, there is not much in Michigan City - restaurants included. We started for home and stopped at a restaurant in South Bend for dinner. I realize we're in a pandemic; not sure if it's the tail end or beginning of a second one, and that we're all learning how to maneuver through it all.  Businesses included.  We walked into the restaurant and the hostess did not have a mask on, nor did any of the servers. They were not seating at capacity. Several tables were blocked off. We put in our name and she said it would be 25-30 minutes. We were not allowed to sit inside and wait at the front because of COVID. We had to wait outside. Half hour goes by and the group of people that were ahead of us are still waiting. I asked how long they had been waiting and she said about 40 minutes. One of the girls in that group went inside and asked how long until their table was going to be ready. She came out and said the hostess had told her another 10-15 minutes because they were short staffed on cooks. My group simultaneously got up to leave. Who knew how long it would be until we were seated and then how long until we got our food? My niece went inside to confirm with the hostess how much longer it would be. She told her the same; they were short on cooks. My niece told her they needed to tell the customers how long it is really going to be and that they are short staffed. We left and went down the street to Panera. I ordered one of their flat bread pizzas. It tasted like a Lean Cuisine pizza. It was terrible. My niece who is a vegetarian ordered a mediterranean bowl. It was filled with chicken. Oh, and the .5miles that it took us to drive to Panera, I got a text our table was ready at the restaurant. 

I can't think of much that I despise more than getting groceries and cooking. I wish I liked to cook. I wish it relaxed me like it does some people. I actually made something new yesterday. It was baked rice and mushrooms, seasoning, and vegetable broth. It wasn't bad. I'd do less garlic next time. I just do not enjoy any part of the process. 

In any event, I knew I had to get some groceries yesterday. I wanted to make that baked dish, get eggs, avocados, etc. I did not want to leave my house let alone go inside a store. The sun was out, I hadn't been home the day before, and I had things I wanted to do around my house. I thought about doing Shipt, or even going today on my lunch. I placed a drive-up order at Target. I've done it before and it's super easy. I'd only be gone roughly a half hour. I was making good time. I had washed all my bedding, vacuumed, swept the kitchen floor, and finished a few other odds and ends stuff around my house.  I left to go pick-up my order, with the thought of coming home, making coffee, sitting in the sun for a bit, before coloring my hair/showering. I would be back by 1:00 and have the whole afternoon. I got home from Target and started unloading the bags. The first bag had Cheetos and some other chips.  That's odd, I don't eat that stuff. Pull a second bag out - it's diapers. I sure as hell know that's not mine. None of it was what I ordered. If you've never done a Target drive-up order, the bags they put your stuff in has a barcode on it with your name. They come out to your car and you show them the code that generates on the app. How did I get someone else's order? My first thought was, never mind. I'll go back another day and fix it. But, I needed the food. The food I had to talk myself into ordering and going to pickup. I called Target and no on answered. I called back and hit a different menu option and let the phone ring and ring until someone picked up. They transferred me to the drive-up team. The girl was so nice and apologetic. Naturally, my only option was to take everything back and get my correct order. I confirmed that I would not have to go into the store. I turned into that person who asked what they were going to do to fix this. I explained that I don't live just around the corner, but 15-20 minutes away (especially, with the construction). She said they would give me a gift card for $10. I felt guilty even asking what they were going to do to fix it because I knew damn well that no matter how mad I was, I am going to continue to shop at Target. It's like that guy you keep going back to even though he continues to fuck up. Target you have nothing to worry about. You've got 99 fuck-ups left before I even consider not coming back. 

I felt so silly how angry I was. It was bigger than them just mixing up my order. I had to give myself a pep talk to even order my groceries and force myself to go pick them up. As someone who suffers from anxiety, is an introvert, and needed a day home to recharge, having to go back to Target (albeit even the drive-up) was nothing short of exhausting for me. 

Instead of rushing back to Target, I decided to color my hair first and shower. I drove back and had to call when I got there. Again, I couldn't get anyone to answer the phone. It rang for over three minutes until they picked up. The girl came out with my stuff and apologized again. She was so nice and handed me a gift card for $15 instead of $10. I got home, put my groceries away, made that coffee, and sat outside in the sun. 

It was important for me to process why I was so angry. I never yelled at the girl. I certainly had a tone. It was more about me and what I was going through than what actually happened. This may not make sense to some but I know it will to others.