Are You Working or Hardly Working?

Working as a paralegal does not, on a typical day, cause me much stress. I have been working in a law office for twenty years. Of course there are those days where you feel like you take one step forward and ten steps back. Maybe it's because the phone doesn't stop ringing, emails keep coming in, mail is piling up, and on occasion an emergency court filing. I may have five appointments one day and none the next. It is all manageable though.  

The past two weeks have been really hard for me. I am extremely anxious, stressed, and overall worked up. I am not sleeping the best. I get so consumed with my thoughts that no matter how much I try to dial the thoughts back and really focus on mindfulness, I am just not achieving it which makes me more anxiety ridden and stressed. 

I know that at any job, there is always going to be that one person(s) who shows up intending on doing the bare minimum only to collect a paycheck. We have all seen those memes -- "Thank you for all your hard work. Now we reward you by giving you other people's work to finish."

It's not the work that has been weighing on me these last two weeks. It's the people. People on their cell phones, taking half hour breaks, taking time off every week, and doing the bare minimum knowing that others will pick up the slack. I can tell you that having worked in a law firm for twenty years, taking a break is simply not something that anyone does. Yes, we may refill our coffee or visit a co-worker at their desk and catch up just to get away from our desk for a couple of minutes. Taking a full fifteen minute (or longer) break two times a day as if you are working retail is just not the norm. Yes, I realize by law, you are entitled to two fifteen minute breaks. Somedays this may get to me more than others but I can shake it off.  Why? Because it's not effecting me; until recently.  

Before I left work Friday, I filled out a form to request overtime. I left it on my desk intending to turn it in tomorrow. I'm not going to now. Why should I have to request overtime? I didn't get behind on my work. I was just given other's work to clean up. I am in a lot of physical pain most days at work because of my neck and the radiation down into my arms. The last thing I want to do is stay after 5:00. Especially with the weather only getting nicer. We all know weekends are not long enough. I need those two days for my mental health. I certainly don't want to go into work on a Saturday or Sunday. 

I am not sure who I am more upset with. The higher ups for allowing others to do the bare minimum or the ones doing the bare minimum. 

Never in the history of telling anyone to not let something bother you or to calm down has that ever worked. I am a hard worker. I have great work ethic. I am damn good at my job too. So, yes, I take this all very personal which in turn is having an effect on my mental and physical health. I am simply exhausted. The worst part? There is not a thing I can do to fix it.