What You Should Know About My BFFF

I cannot believe just a little less than four months ago, I was having dinner with my bfff ("best fucking friend forever") and she was telling me she was moving to California to be with her boyfriend.  Whom by the way, I've never even met.  However, it wasn't a complete shock because she had been out to visit him several times and had traveled to Canada to see him.

Well, now we're only six short days (and two dinners) away from her leaving.  As we emailed back and forth today about something, I realized "boy do I hope he (her boyfriend) knows what he's getting into?"  And, I'm not saying that in a bad way.  She just is sort of a hot mess 91% of the time.  She knows this.  It's not a secret or anything.

Now granted, she's known her boyfriend since high school.  So, technically longer than I've known her.  But, there are still some things he probably should know about her or be reminded of.

• She sleeps. A lot.  If she doesn't sleep all weekend, she won't and can't function.  
• Shopping.  She doesn't and she won't.  If she does go shopping, it'll have to be in a shopping center and not a mall.  IF it is a mall, she will require a map to the store along with the closest parking lot location.  
• She will burn.  No matter how many times you remind her to put sun screen on, she won't do it.  She won't necessarily complain about it afterwards but when her forehead starts to peel she will. 
• If her toe nails start to get too long just tell her.  She seems to be oblivious to her toes and the amount of care they require. 
• She seems to be getting better at washing her hair more frequently.  Even if she starts slacking again, there's really not a lot you can do about it.  You can try telling her you won't go out in public with her. That might work.  But, most likely it won't. 
• Try introducing her to new music.  Otherwise, you'll be stuck listening to Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, and anything commercial.  
• Waiting to Exhale is one of, if not, her favorite movie (ask her to quote a line). 
• Her purse will never be organized.  Be careful if you reach in to find something. It's a safety hazard.  You could come across old beer tabs, tampons, receipts from 1998, broken cigarettes, or even a fork (no, really). 
• Her license and/or debit card will never be where it's supposed to be inside her purse.  Try looking inside the smaller purse she has inside the bigger purse.  
• If she goes out of town, she will not unpack for at least a week after returning home (could be longer). 
• When you're out together drinking, having dinner, etc., you will have to make sure to keep track of her phone.  She won't remember where she left it (try her purse first (see above)) and then some stranger will find it in the bathroom and call the logical person in one's phone ("mom") and then she'll have to explain to her mom why a stranger is calling saying they have her phone (true story).   
• If she pays with cash when you're out together drinking, having dinner, etc., she won't remember how much her bill was and she'll presume she's just lost some cash.  Remind her of all of the events of the evening and she'll eventually piece the money she spent back together.  You can always try to see if it's in her purse (see above) first but that's doubtful. 
• You will have to repeat anything you tell her when she's been drinking.  She will not remember. 
• She has no sense of direction (hey, I don't either).
• I am most certain you know this already, but when her eye lids start to blink sloooowly, that means she's drunk. 
• Her farts stink really bad.  
• She likes the toilet paper to be "under." 
• Just kidding.  She likes it to be "over." 
• She will not make sure you have toilet paper at all times.  You will run out if you don't pay attention.  And, she will buy toilet paper from the dollar store. 
• When cleaning, she's OCD with the bleach.
• She will need Mexican food at least once a month.  And, that's stretching it. 
• She'll correct your grammar, spelling errors, and punctuation, and then put a smiley face at the end because for some reason she thinks that makes it a little less annoying.

Now you may think I'm being mean.  But, I'm not.  This is her.  This is who she is.  She's also very understanding, non-judgmental, funny (sometimes), loving, and fun.  

During college I don't really remember us being that close.  Yeah, we went to lunch together every day and had every class together.  But, outside of school, we didn't hang out.  At least I don't remember.  Then, after college, we didn't stay in touch really.  We both worked downtown and I may have seen her here and there on a Friday or Saturday night.  Then, I started working at BBDS&B and we became really close.  I was shocked and still am at how close we became.  We are definitely opposite in a lot of ways.  However, I think deep down, we're a lot alike.  She understands me (dammit, here come the tears).  And, I understand her.

Dear Boyfriend: I'm leaving my bfff in your hands.  Please take care of her.

Dear Bfff: I'm going to miss you! XO!! 

Going Away Party

Champions

Champions

CF Walk

My 30th Birthday Party

Summer Party

Birthday Celebration at Zambucas (I was burnt!)

Cebolla's

Emily's Wedding

Emily's Wedding

CF Walk

Amanda's Wedding

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

CF Walk (If she has her glasses on, she's probably hungover)

NYE Party (my face is horrifically orange)

CF Wine Opener