Brain fog

The last few weeks, I feel like I've been going through life in a fog. I feel mentally there while I'm at work, but then afterwards, I just zone out. Maybe it's from starting a new job. Physically, I haven't felt great either. I'm starting to keep a daily diary of how I'm feeling. I'm wondering if the pure exhaustion I had there for a week or so was PMS. I wasnt tired or sleepy. I was exhausted. I was in bed by 8:30 most nights. For the past two weeks I've literally had a headache everyday which is putting a hold on my working out. Not sure if it's allergies or PMS. The two days I did feel good, I worked out and then ended up with a migraine after. It's frustrating when I want to work out, but I can't. I know I could workout even though I have a headache, but it makes it worse and makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's just simply not worth it. My primary Doctor finally referred me to a GI specialist. While I haven't had the extreme chest pains I've had in the past, I still think I need to see specialist. I see him in November.

I'm frustrated too with my lack of weightloss. I know my eating habits are the biggest contributor to not losing weight. I look back at how long I've been busting my ass in the gym and compare that to the weightloss and it's just not adding up. It's not like I sit around eating Bon Bons every night. But I do like my Mexican food. I don't like cooking and meal planning just isn't my strongest attribute. My biggest problem is trying to find things to bring for lunch. I feel like the weekends are short enough and trying to add in meal prep stresses me out. I do know that I've gotten stronger since I started working out. I can feel the muscles in my legs from the stair stepper and I can definitely feel the muscles in my arms from lifting weights. They just aren't noticeable if you're looking at me. I'm not really one to care what people think about me. But, I get embarrassed when people know I go to the gym a lot and then they see me and I haven't lost much weight. I have a doctors appointment in October and I'm going to  talk to her about my medications. I know the medicine I take to help me sleep can cause extreme weight gain.  

The new job is going really well. Every single time I walk into MY office, I have a moment of gratitude. I cannot believe I have my own office and a door to shut. My boss is really nice and laid back. The firm treats us really well with cookouts and breakfasts. It's been so refreshing to work with attorneys who participate in their practice and provide insight and feedback. 

I was watching Life of Kylie last Sunday (don't judge me) and a friend of Kylie's mom's knew a girl who has Cystic Fibrosis and she's a big fan of Kylie's. Kylie and Jordyn surprise the girl by going to her house to hang out. I think the girl was roughly 12 years old and she was on oxygen. Kylie got into her car and started crying. At the end of the episode, they flashed the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's information on the screen. The awareness and exposure that Kylie's show provided for CF was amazing. It definitely surprised me when she said the girl had Cystic Fibrosis. It's like when I've watched Grey's Anatomy and they have a patient with Cysitc Fibrosis. It just throws you off-guard. 

I think about Joey everyday whether it's because I see or hear something that reminds me of him. Those thoughts are always brief. I know subconsciously though that the thought of Joey is with me more than I realize. If I step back and evaluate why I'm feeling the way I do, I can sometimes feel that it's because the loss of Joey is hidden deep down somewhere. More than anything, I just wonder what our relationship would be today if he were here. Would we still be best friends? Would we be married? Would he be married to someone else? 

I'm currently reading A Mother's Reckoning by Sue Klebold, the mother of one of the Columbine shooters. I cannot wait to finish this book and then blog about it. The one chapter just may have changed my view on the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why. Hopefully, I'll finish it today and can start working on a blog post. 

My iPad is about to run out of juice and Jamison is insistent on sitting on my lap. So I guess I gotta wrap this up. 

Happy Caturday, everyone!