I've lived in Fort Wayne my whole life. My entire immediate family is here. I, myself, do not have children which would essentially make it that much easier for me to move anywhere I wanted. My best friend lives in California. My mom and step-dad wouldn't hesitant to move to Florida if it weren't for my grandma being here in a nursing home. My sister and her husband would move south, I believe to Texas. I'm not sure about my other sister or dad and step-mom. Despite always wanting to live in Chicago, I have never really thought about moving. I always tell people I couldn't move away from my family. However, most of my family wouldn't hesitate to move. Sometimes I wonder if that's just an excuse I use when in reality, I'm too scared to move. Or, perhaps too lazy. Ha! I've had people (men mostly) tell me over the years that I need to step outside my box. I need to step outside my comfort zone. Without fail, I get extremely defensive and upset during these conversations. Why? Is it because I am truly happy and content living in Fort Wayne and they just can't see it? Or, is it because somewhere deep down I know they're right. I truly do not know the answer to this question. Maybe because multiple people have said this to me, I am starting to believe them.
Someone said to me today they don't want to be on their death bed regretting the things they did not do. I don't want to be on my death bed looking back at how unhappy I was. Is that the same thing? Maybe if I stepped outside my box and comfort zone, I would surprisingly find happiness.
I need to call my therapist tomorrow.
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