Place of yes.

I was flipping channels earlier this week and came across that movie with Jim Carey called "Yes, Man." He challenges himself to say yes to everything for a year. The beginning of the movie was, I'm convinced, based on my life. People would call him and he'd ignore their calls and wouldn't show up for events when invited. Now, I do answer calls, or I should say text messages and emails. But, nine times out of ten, I bail on events/plans. I hate them. I don't make excuses as to why I'm bailing. I'll tell you the truth. Most likely, it's because I don't want to leave my house which will require pants and a bra. I'm more likely to do things on Friday nights because I've already showered. Having plans gives me anxiety. I am going to guess that is not normal. 

Here's my dilemma though. I'm scrolling through Instagram and Rev Run always posts inspirational quotes. You can't scroll through Facebook or Twitter without reading some type of meme or quote. Now that I've gotten a little older too, I find that doing things I don't want to do is not necessary. Which leads me to this quote... 

Then there's stuff like this....

Lets be honest. I'm not going to find someone sitting on the couch which is what makes me happy. Being home is what comforts me. There are a ton of things I'd like to do, but I'd have to do them by myself. Hell, if I get to go out with a few of my close friends, it's like a mom's night out for me because I don't go out much. My friends all have kids and boyfriends/husbands. The older I get, the harder it's getting because everyone else has their own family.

Here's my other thing and I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before. I realize that until I'm happy, I'm not going to be happy in a relationship or even be able to make someone else happy. I get that. I have a good job, nice car, few great friends, awesome family, and most recently my own house. I am so grateful for all of those things. With having all of that, there's just always that one thing missing. That is to share my life with someone. I've watched all the girly movies. Spent Sundays reading. I've done the nights out with girls. I've spent time pampering myself. I shop. I eat a pint of ice cream for dinner. It's not like I've been single for a few weeks. It's not like I jump from guy to guy. To be honest, the last time I called someone my "boyfriend" was in 2005. Yes, it'll be 10 years this October. No, that's not a typo. I get tired of hearing the same cliches..."it'll happen when you least expect it..." blah blah blah blah... I can't even think of the other ones right now. I go through spurts where I don't think about it at all. I had a good run there for probably 6 months where I didn't think about a relationship at all. God, it was refreshing. Now, these past few days, my anxiety is at an all time high. I think because I keep trying to "fix" it and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I've asked people if they have any single friends and the answer is always no. I've tried dating online. If you've read any more of my blog, you'll know that's been an epic fail. There's this social network site called Meet Ups. Well, unfortunately in Fort Wayne, the only meet ups are for moms, religious affiliates, or people over 40. The one group I am in, all of their events are during the week and with having a second job, I can't go to any of them.

There are so many people who have been married, divorced, and remarried and I'm sitting here still single. Where are you meeting people? What's the secret?! Ha. Oh, and I also don't want to hear that I need to change the type of guy I date. I get that. But, we're back to the same damn question. WHERE DO YOU MEET PEOPLE?

Pity party for Rachel today? Yes. RSVP for 1, please.

PS. I just realized my second picture is a quote from "Brian Tracey." That is pure coincidence.