I'm titling this blog post "Rated R" because there's going to be some f-bombs dropped. Just saying...
Usually, I will go into all of the details of a story (a. because I'm wordy and b. it tends to make the story better) but, I'm not going to this time.
Someone I went to high school with sent me this message yesterday on Facebook in the midst of having a conversation about me/men/relationships, etc.
"I think you scare men away talking about marriage. Or the fact you don't have baggage it bad habits like drinking it puts pressure to be perfect." (Translation: Or the fact you don't have baggage and bad habits like drinking, it puts pressure on MEN to be perfect)
I'm sitting at work when I read this and I instantly started shaking. I know what he's saying is completely fucking bullshit. When I find a real MAN who wants to be in a relationship, he will appreciate that I don't have a bunch of kids running around with a bunch of different men. Not to mention, never once have I perceived myself as being "perfect" because I don't drink. It would be completely unrealistic for me to think that because I don't drink, others shouldn't. And, if that's what someone thinks after I tell them I don't drink before actually getting to know me, then we're better off not being in each others lives.
So, after he sent me that message, all I said in return was "That doesn't even warrant a response."
He said, "Why is that? These cats now says date down not up. It's easier to a. be s fuck up b. do what they want without judgement and c. fill like the superior being in the relationship." (Translation: (P.S. it took me 24 hours to figure out what he was trying to say) "These cats now days date down, not up. It's easier to a) be a fuck up; b) do what they want without judgment and; c) feel like the superior being in the relationship.")
Let me get this straight then. Guys date down because lets say a crackhead won't care if the dude has a job, car, his own place, goals, values, drinks, smokes and parties? And that way, he can feel like he's the "superior" one in the relationship because the woman is a crackhead, momma to five different babies with five different dads. By all means, he can't feel superior if a woman doesn't have those five different babies with five different dads, a job, a car, her own place and God for bid, she doesn't drink.
Again, I realize that what he said is extremely inaccurate for someone of character and class. However, did I cry my eyes out the majority of the night? Absolutely. Why? Because it hurt my feelings. Because I take pride in being thirty three years old with no kids and never having drank.
In the end, fuck you and fuck your theory on relationships. I'm proud to be who I am. And, if it takes till I'm 80 years old to find someone who appreciates me for who I am, then so be it.
2 comments:
I received some great comments on FB that were much appreciated, so I thought I'd share.
Luke: Personally, my wife and I do drink, but that is a minor point. I went to a Christian college with people that did not drink and even dated a few non-drinkers. No big deal on that point, you have your reasons and like you said that you don't judge either way. Life isn't about judgements or being superior, it is about being happy as an individual first and then as a couple because the couple can't be happy with out eacvh being happy with in their own personal lives.. Being a fuck up is nothing to be proud of, it is something we all can grow from. We all do stupid things. Bottom line, drinker or no drinker, the right guy will come along and just like the fact that you have your morals and values that you live by. I say Rated R gets a a full two thumbs because you are a special person who some guy would be lucky to be with. Hope you feel better now that I have opined.
Caleb: If that guy wants to date down to make him feel better about himself, then that should show his individual character. Not all men feel this way. I know I have made many mistakes in my life and still do, but I would want the woman that I am with to make me a better man always. If I date down then I am only selling myself short and I should expect nothing else. I want to achieve many goals and happiness is a constant goal for me. Happiness may come in many ways whether sober or not. What matters is that you accept it and mover forward. Always learning from the past and make a better future.
Keep an open heart and happiness will always find its way in! Always look in the good and don't focus on the negativity. It will consume you. Good luck and don't let his words get to you too much.
Bruce: I just read your blog, and find it fucked up that someone would actually say that you scare men away, I have never once read a post of yours and felt like you make yourself seem better then others because you don't drink and ect.. I think you're pretty cool, laid back chick :) and guys should respect that if not their loss
Paul: Read ur blog and wanted to say im 33 single no kids but I drink. I enjoy reading ur honest thoughts and opinions bout ur life experiences.
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