Tired. Very tired.

There is not enough sleep to get me out of this state of exhaustion. It started last week and I cannot seem to shake it. 

Last week I went into the office everyday from 8 until 12 and then worked from home the rest of the afternoon. I'm going to stick to that same schedule this week. 

Sitting at my desk, causes stiffness in my neck and an increase in the numbness/tingling in my arms. I have had a few people ask me if I feel better working from home. The answer is yes. I am supported more when I am sitting and typing. 

I am coming up on six weeks since having surgery and I have had no change in my symptoms. I had physical therapy tonight. He does an assessment every two weeks to see if my strength and range of motion is improving. My strength is about the same. My grip strength is worse in my right arm than it was the last time. I see the surgeon on Friday so will wait and see what he has to say. 

I feel extremely defeated. I am 42yrs old and can't even do all the things I want to do around my house. I reached out to my nephew to see if he would be willing to come over and help clean up my yard. I'm going to see if he'll sweep out my garage and maybe help my dad trim back a tree and bush. 

Mostly everyone has stopped checking in and asking how I am doing. A girl at work today said, "why do you always look so serious?" Well, first of all, that's mostly my personality. Second, when you're in constant pain, it's hard to appear anything less than serious. I am sorry I don't fit the mold of what you think I should look like. I feel most people think I should be back to work full-time. I feel they think I am milking the situation. But, if you know me, you know I prefer to be in the office. In fact, we now have the option to work from home two days a week. Once I am back full-time, I do not plan on working from home. I need to be around people. Being isolated even more so by working from home, is not good for my mental health. 

I am sure the exhaustion is a combination of mental and physical. It's exhausting always being in pain and always trying to stay strong for myself. 

In other news, my lighthouse tattoo that was started in November is now finished. I love it!