Not Great

I woke up yesterday feeling both mentally and physically tired. I felt down. As the day went on, the numbness and tingling in both arms increased to 10/10. It's been a while since I have had a flair-up that bad. 

The utility company in my area has had a tree service out everyday cutting back trees close to the power lines. Yesterday, they were in my backyard cutting back trees. At lunchtime, I went outside to pick up some sticks in my yard. I noticed that the tree company had left some bigger sticks in the stack I had already started next to my fire pit. No biggie. I'll use them. I worked on breaking up some of the sticks to throw in the fire pit. I walked around to the front of my house and noticed the leaves that need cleaned up out of the mulch. I just know I can't do it. Or, at least without aggravating my numbness and tingling. 

I went to physical therapy and he started with massaging my shoulders and "flossing" the nerves. I worked with a resistance band. He then had me stand with my back against the wall with my arms down to my sides, and told me to push my arms back towards the wall. I couldn't do it which triggered me and I started crying. He said I wouldn't want to hear this, but that it could take up to twelve months before I start to notice any change. He encouraged me to celebrate even the smallest improvements. Honestly, hearing it could take that long didn't upset me. What would upset me is if someone said I would never have relief. 

When I laid down to go to sleep last night, I started crying. I hurt so bad and felt so defeated. 

Today, when I woke up, I was making my bed and started crying again. I am very emotional these past few days. I can hear my dad, "Are you going to start your period?" No. No, I am not. 

I know all of this emotion is coming from being in pain and not sleeping great. I am so limited in what I can do because I don't have much strength in my arms and I get tired quickly. The first week I was home, I had a lot of visitors. I made sure I would so that I wouldn't go crazy being alone. Probably should have lined up some visitors last week and this week. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and weekends are short enough without trying to carve out time to come hang with me. 

Even though I am optimistic about my recovery, I am simply having some bad days. And, that's OK. Tomorrow is a new day!